If it’s not yet apparent by this time, I’m very introspective. I tend to think (and overthink) about every little bit, and that often leads me to be anxious about the littlest things; I also procrastinate, which doesn’t help with my anxiety to be honest, and that whole bit just leads me to a whole spiral downwards (if unchecked). I’ve learned however to deal with it over the years; I’m not entirely sure though if my coping strategies are still working, and I may need to revisit them.
One of the ways I’ve tried to keep my anxiety at bay is to write. I started writing back in the seventh grade, when an intense crush caused me to pour my own angst onto paper. I’ve kept a journal on-and-off ever since, both physical and virtual – in fact, I keenly remember that one of my earliest pet projects was building an electronic journal. I may revisit that one of these days.
Another way I’ve tried previously to assuage the nerves is to think through things rationally: to try to divorce what I feel from the situation, so as to come to some conclusion of it all separate from how I feel. To be honest, that particular strategy hasn’t been great, and I’m not even sure it’s even healthy for my psyche.
I also try to channel my nervous energy into side projects and skunkworks, to at least divert things into more productive exploits. Previously, that meant starting code projects, a lot of which end up stillborn as my attentions have wandered off and I’ve lost interest, or as my own work becomes more demanding of my attention. Nowadays though, I tend to channel it towards Minecraft, where I’ve built my own little city and engineering works in Survival mode.
Honestly though, as I said I may need to rethink these strategies. Don’t get me wrong: I still write, as evidenced by my not-so-regular posts here, and I still find Minecraft fun and relaxing – but even if I really think my own stress levels have been manageable, I may need to explore other strategies.
I’ve mentioned here that I boulder after work some weeknights, and I do D&D on Wednesday nights: those pasttimes have definitely helped, although I’ve been remiss in climbing lately. I should probably also try running.
Anyway, my own anxiety’s been on my mind lately, in a meta kind of way. I’ve never been that great with stress: although I do manage, I end up exhausting my reserves. Which, in turn, is why I try and write, or work on other stuff (i.e. procrastinate). I’ve not been doing that recently though, as things have been manageable so far.
I mean, sure, if the thing you’re working on has broad impact to the organization and is being scrutinized from up above…
Thankfully though, my vacation is coming up. I’ve deemed it necessary (for my health and sanity) to take a vacation and fly to Manila.
What could possibly go wrong.
Previously: Debugging on the Network